I thought I knew what love is
It seemed like something you carry because you love the person so much. Like, worrying if he or she will be ok, make it out alive, come back home. I thought love was driving across the country for someone, or building a new home. It was showing up with chicken soup and and the patience to listen. It was the wise soul that gives advice, admonishes, knows best, doesn’t want you to get hurt. It was the one who works late for you, prays for you and sometimes pays your way. It was all the sweat of the brow suffered for you. It was that one who fights on your behalf, starts a movement, joins a revolution. I thought it was Love that marches and defends, that speaks up. It was love that dies for you, right?
But what about love that isn’t necessarily self-sacrificial? A different type of spark happens when you don’t have to be there; your absence won’t be held against you. You show up because it’s so fun! Because you get inspired. You stay up all night because it makes you lighter in the doing. It’s a love-world where heaviness falls away. You don’t have to call back until you’ve had a chance to rest. It’s fine. If you call too late, that’s fine also. Cement blocks of must-dos don’t exist here because there is an understanding that you will be true to yourself, first and foremost, and the loved one is not a poor, helpless soul but a strong, intelligent person with their own powerful North Star (even if they are unaware at the moment). You don’t have to have answers or explanations for things that you wish for. Your desire is enough, and when it comes to decisions, so is your gut feeling. You are known, trusted, loved.
When you don’t have to do it; when nothing hangs over your head, then you are actually, authentically free to love.
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