the best version of myself

You know, after all is said and done, the only thing I want to be is the best person I can be.  I want to do something *GREAT* in my lifetime.  I don’t want to die until it’s done.  I once thought I would change the whole world. By “change the whole world”, I mean, end war, hunger, and all manner of suffering.  Somehow I would just do it.  Not that I had a marvelous plan or anything.

I have always loved to see other people reach total greatness in the world! Always loved it. Never felt envious. Never felt insecure. I just loved it because that meant there was less work for me to do because that person was doing their part.  If they didn’t do it, then I would have to step in and do that too! Oh, and my plate was already full!  Oh lord.

Ok, it doesn’t matter whether it makes sense or not in the logical and linear world.  It doesn’t matter that I’m not actually capable of doing everyone else’s work.  Mental patters are just weird patterns that live in another realm. So, with the release of so much grief, I began to release that a lot of my “change the world” thoughts are just inherited from my parents.   My past is my past.  There is nothing I can do about it. Absolutely nothing! And none of it is my fault. But there is one thing I can do now–let go and move on. Much easier said than done, and it doesn’t mean I will never cry about it again, it just means that, at this moment it’s time to step back into today.

Be happy TODAY.

And then guess what?  A new thought:  All I have to do is be my own best person. That’s it!

That, I can do.

But, really? I keep asking myself.  The answer keeps coming back as a deep and strong YES.

Ok, Life is about to get very easy!

Side note: The *only* reason why I have ever worked hard anywhere is because I wanted to see the end of suffering and for there to be some sort of justice in the world.  Even the work I have been doing at the cafe was somehow going to change the world… The thread of logic went something like this: If you are a boss and the people you oversee have to do what you tell them, that gives you certain power. You can add wounds to their already wounded soul, or you can mend them up and help them see how wonderful they actually are.  The side effect to this is that they will be super loyal and do a great job, not only that, their own human genius will begin to shine out and they will in turn do something great in the world.  And all you did was be a good boss.  There are so many kids who’s light have come on under my watch!  And my light came back on under my boss’ watch.  I could see the chain reaction, and I looked into the future and thought, wow, I want to be a part of this!  So all my change the world patterns kicked in and I worked harder than anyone could have asked me too, and hurt myself in the process. Oh, wow, my mom did the exact same thing!  Time to get off this boat, gabriela, and just take care of yourself for once.  The kids are in very good hands, rest assured.

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