Life Stories

who my blog is for

People always ask me who I am writing for and I’ve never had a clear answer.  Maybe because I haven’t known.  People say that when you write you have to think about the audience you want to target.  I don’t think about anyone or any audience.  I just have natural occurring volcanoes inside of me that want to rupture.  This process has nothing to do with anyone or any idea I have about “targeting an audience”.

Any little random thing can trigger a volcano.  Not because that thing was so horrible, or great, or whatever other adjective you want to think of, but because there was a volcano already there.  Before it is triggered by any outward circumstance, it has to be bubbling inside of me just below the calm surface.   When I write, these volcanoes flow out of me, and in the process, no one is hurt! (What a fantastic thing!)

How come they don’t go away when I paint? I don’t know.  I just know that’s how it is.

On the practical level, I am very careful with people and concerned about their well-being.  I don’t want anyone in pain and I definitely don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  I never want anyone to take my volcanoes personal! god no!  I’m also careful with my friends.  No one who has ever been a close friend ever has had to worry about me saying something and meaning something else.  Sometimes I give really tough feedback. But guess what? I can take it, too, so I welcome yours.

Back to volcanoes.  Two of my #1 trigger points revolve around these subjects: When someone abuses someone else; When someone wants to steal the inherent dignity of someone else.   Sometimes these things happen in such an underhanded, hidden and confusing way that people don’t catch it.  But my radar catches it from a distance.

Because I have such a long history of enduring one form of abuse or another, and people trying to rob dignity from me, or measuring me according to what my job is or how I currently pay my bills, I have lots of explosive points.  Yes, I am super hypersensitive! When I see this happening to people I get so infuriated and want to stand up with sword in hand and fight. My blog is one of my swords.

Next question:  Why do you blog using your real name?

Because it is hard for me to do.  Few people want to bring their demons out of the closet publicly. Few people want to bring their demons out, period.  Most people don’t even want to admit they have demons to deal with. I personally, would rather not.  But I feel that if I am a coward when it comes to the truth about myself, what good thing will I have to say to the world? Why would I expect anyone to respect my work?

I also use my real name because this is a life experiment.  I am requiring myself as an artist to be 100% transparent, and let the pieces fall where they may.

So there you have it. This is why I blog, and I will keep doing so.

And my blog is for anyone who wants to read it.  I have no idea who you are or who you will be in the future.

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